Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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