you didnt know i had herpes?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
