last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
