He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize