Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
