8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
