We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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