i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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