they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
