I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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