GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
