the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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