i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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