He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize