the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
