yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
