You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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