he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
