I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
