get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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