I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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