my sisters under your porch take her home
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
