Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
