I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
