Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
