He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
