I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize