I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
