A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
