I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize