Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
