you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
