i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
