Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
