Moan for me like Helen Keller
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
