In America we eat man semen.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
