Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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