i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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