Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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