It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
