You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
