if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
