You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
