I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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