I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
