I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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