oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
