Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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