Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize