Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
