mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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