Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
