O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
