there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
