As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The adults are the big ones right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Pooping to opera.
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