It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
