Porn is love you can see.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My penis needs a shock collar
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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