So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
