I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
