More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Someone shit on the floor
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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