I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
