Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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