I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
