I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
