She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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