I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
