thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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