Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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