***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
