I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
