i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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