sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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