i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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