Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
