quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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