If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
