i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize