Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
