Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
