She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
