I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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