Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
