I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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