Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
