i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
