i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My feet surprised me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize