nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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