NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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