he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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