I just saw a hot homeless man
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
