i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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