Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
