This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
