I think im going to throw up on grandma
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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