party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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