last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
