I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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