failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
