i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
