my phone needs a breathalizer
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
