He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
