he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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