you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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