You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
