Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sober January is a disaster.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
