my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
