i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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