you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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