This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
