Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
