You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
