In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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