it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
