I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
