After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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